Day 5 -- fingers crossed

Ok. Quick update.

I sent in the paperwork (rental application, photo ID, proof of income) to a great loft unit. Now I hope it will come through!

Meanwhile, I went for a showing, of a studio at a great location (perhaps even better than my current one) but with awful maintenance and lighting situation. I don't think I can live in that place for a year without going insane, but the walk (and break from lab) was good.

Speaking of a break, I went to a play at Yale School of Drama -- the Paradise' Lost, Clifford Odets's version. SO good!

D is working at GPSCY tonight, so I probably won't see him at all today. (Left home before he got up in the morning.) Now I'm going to update my other blog and just relax for a while...

Day 4 -- busy apartment hunting

It is both fun and frustrating. Fun, in the sense that there is tremendous possibilities; frustrating that 40% of my inquiries were taken before I even got the chance to view the apartment!

Lab stuff also took a downturn, which turned out to be good for me because a downturn requires more mental energy, which means distraction from the breakup.

Another viewing scheduled tomorrow, and there's something else I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I promise that I'll disclose everything soon.

Ah, and I started baking again, with zealous enthusiasm. Made some cookies for M and S last night, and packed them carefully in the gift bags of 4. M shared one with G and immediately regretted : should have kept everything to herself!

They tried to guess the ingredient but missed the tahini part after named (almost) all kinds of nut/seed butters available on the market.  So tonight, I made some muffins, with another secret ingredient (avocado), and can't wait to see if anyone can really taste it in the muffin. Sneaky, ain't I ;P

I did talk to D today about the logistics, and we were able to keep the conversation calm and distant. Big step.

And a big yell of congratulations to our old friend (shit, it's OUR friend) B & P -- they just became parents!

Alright, time to doze off to a movie (night train to Lisbon in case you wonder) and some rose (pinkie swear by woot winery). See y'all tomorrow! 

Day 3 -- apartment hunting, and enjoying oysters with dear friends

It is getting easier, and maybe a little fun even -- to look for new apartments, and picturing myself with a new life. Except for the fact that September is the WORST time to look for apartment hunting!

The place I loved was taken before I even got a chance to see it. But I shan't be discouraged. Something is going to turn out, somehow.

The highlight of the day was definitely M & S took me out to Pacifico for OYSTERS and presecco SANGRIA, plus a ton of delicious food (guacamole & chips, duck quesadilla, steamed mussels with chorizo, grilled calamari over arugala...)! Their words were true words of wisdom, and I couldn't help but felt blessed having such awesome friends.

Everything is going to be alright, I believe, especially after dinner tonight. (and maybe better, after I find a new place!)

Day 2 -- it got a bit ugly last night

Just when I thought everything was OK, D came back and threw the bomb: who is going to move out?

It turned out both of us were reluctant to move...even if that means doubling the current rent.

I cried. He went for a walk. Returned and cried.

The worst part for me was that I couldn't not even comfort him with a hug while he was shaking...Too bad.

I was also feeling guilty, for being "selfish" and wanted to stay, until dear N pointed out to me (on line) that both of our names are on the lease! We are still equally entitled!

With that knowledge, I was able to fall asleep at 2:30 a.m. , only to wake up 3 hours later, and couldn't go back to sleep. After an hours effort in vain, I got up, got ready for the morning class. On my way out, my nose started bleeding, again.

So I missed the class, started looking for a new place online. Findings so far? September is NOT a good time for apartment hunting! I will keep looking, but also prepared to fight for the right to stay if necessary.

The 12+ hours in lab did serve as a great distraction -- I would have stayed for longer had it not been a severe headache due to the lack of sleep. And a big thank you to all the friends who offered a place to crash or to just simply gave me a word of encouragement. And guess what? Today is MOUNTAIN DAY! So there's no reason for despair, really.

Overall, I got home safe, blessed with caring friends, and with a golden carp to experimental with in the kitchen. (Yep, grocery shopping could also help with pain relief, as it turned out.)

May I remain strong and tomorrow be OK...

Day 1 -- nice weather and great friends got me through the day

It is actually not so bad. I might have cried all my tears out yesterday already. The nice weather might have helped as well. It's been a gorgeous day -- sunny, in the high 70s. Hard to believe that it's already fall.

I went to the block party with Cynthia. On the way, I ran into one of D's coworkers at GPSCY (whom I found really likable). Passing by, we greeted each other with common small talks. And just as we were parting, she asked " Are you doing alright?". Shit. Everyone already knew. Tears started to rush into my eyes. There was nothing better to do than forcing a smile, which actually chased the urge of crying away. "I'm doing alright. Thank you." And I ran away, without a proper goodbye.

At the block party, I saw B&C with their kids from a distance. Memories rushing back. D married them as a rev. It was a great wedding, we all had a great time. Now a little over four years later, they have bought a new house, settled down, with two beautiful daughters. I did not have enough courage to walk up and say hi.

Cynthia came to my rescue, waving with enthusiasm. I can't describe what a relief it was to see a dear  friend with a lovely smile (and dress as well). We left the block party shortly, but chatted for a long time. I won't bore anyone with the details of our conversation, but can I just say, I left as a much happier being.

It was late afternoon, and I grabbed some journal paper from the office, and read outside for a while, in front of the library. Surrounded by young college kids talking, running, joking, and flirting, I wasn't quite sure if the most benefit from there was the sun, the energy, or the paper itself.

Then I realized that today was Sunday, which means I have a weekly report due, and I had not even started it yet. I left the happy green and spent the next four hours working on the report (and snacking, face booking, g-chatting) -- it's surprising how little tasks can occupy you to an extent that there is almost no room for emotion. Almost, with the exception of some very touching messages on Facebook, from the people I least expected to hear from. If nothing else, one thing is clear -- I am surrounded by great people, and nothing means the end of the world.

With this, I shall leave my first post about recovering from a breakup after 4.5 years, and go on to attend my dinner -- oh delicious chicken thighs!